Are you a Republican who’s #NeverTrump but who can’t quite bring yourself to vote Hillary? A Democrat in a solidly blue state who wants to make their disgust about Hillary’s hawkishness known? You’ve probably seen a lot of articles urging you to vote Libertarian or to write in Bernie Sanders. Today, I present another option.
Vote Prohibition Party!
The Prohibition Party is America’s oldest existing third party, founded in 1869. As you can guess from its name, its primary concern is the prohibition of alcohol. But it also took groundbreaking stances on other issues: it was the first party to accept women as party members with full delegate rights, nearly fifty years before they had the right to vote. The modern party is socially and fiscally conservative and non-interventionist (you may read their platform here), although in the past it included socialists, feminists, and pacifists.
Unfortunately, the Prohibition Party’s fortunes have been declining since the 21st Amendment repealed Prohibition. In 2012, it received only five hundred votes, and its latest presidential candidate was chosen via conference call.
The Prohibition Party’s current candidate is James Hedges, the only individual to be elected to public office from the Prohibition Party since 1959. (He was a tax assessor. Why anyone would care about a tax assessor’s opinion on booze is beyond me.) You may read an interview with him here; to me he mostly seems like a genial and reasonable person.
The Prohibition Party, a part of our nation’s history, is endangered! With your vote, you can help strengthen America’s oldest third party. There is absolutely no chance they will win, but I think getting even a few dozen more votes would probably strengthen their spirits and encourage them not to shut America’s oldest third party down forever.
Sometimes, you hate all the available candidates and just want to tell them to fuck themselves. Voting Prohibition Party, in my opinion, is the best way to make that happen. Let’s give the Prohibition Party a new life as the Fuck You Party.
Thing of Things 
Strengthen their spirits? I don’t think they have any liking for spirits…
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That’s ironic because in Israel the grass-decriminalisation party is often viewed as a “fuck you” party. Except that in the elections before last it reinvented itself as a liberterian party and I actually voted for it (it didn’t get any seats though).
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“(He was a tax assessor. Why anyone would care about a tax assessor’s opinion on booze is beyond me.)”
Most likely he was voted in via other criteria and no one was worried that his platform would be enacted in that particular office.
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An incumbent tax assessor! That’s more political experience than one of the major parties’ candidates!
(And I assume he’s managed to carry out his duties without getting investigated by the FBI for major crimes, so… better than the other major party’s candidate?)
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I was expecting an article about a party that wants to prohibit voting and now I’m disappointed.
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This is barely relevant since I’m not American, but I would feel uncomfortable using as my ‘fuck you’ party one that has genuine beliefs involving shit like ‘anti gay marriage’ and ‘all governments take their authority from God and Jesus’.
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