1. Why do you believe what you believe? What would change your mind?
My beliefs are based on the simple and fundamental right of self-determination– people should be in the kind of relationship that they want to be in. Don’t want to be poly? Then don’t join a poly relationship. If people are happy limiting themselves to a single partner at a time, then they should do that. If people want multiples, then they should do that. As long as all parties are consenting, what is the problem? Poly people aren’t trying to stop mono relationships from happening, any more than gay people are trying to prevent straight people from marrying. The existence of poly relationships doesn’t hurt any other kind of relationships. However the permissibility of poly relationships means that people have the option if they want it. Nobody has to feel trapped or tied down to a mono relationship.
If there was some kind of AI that could measure everybody’s compatibility and assign each person their own soulmate, then there wouldn’t be a need for polyamory. It would be outmoded. But barring any major advances in romance technology, meeting the right person may lead me to choose monoamory for myself, but it will never lead me to ban polyamory for everyone else.
2. A monogamous person has a crush on someone other than their partner. In a healthy relationship, what would happen next?
In a truly healthy relationship, nothing. But then again, if it was truly healthy, their partner would be enough for them right? So there’s a good chance that their feelings will grow and they will become increasingly dissatisfied with their current relationship–eventually leading to a breakup or an affair. That’s not the legal only outcome but it happens even to healthy relationships.
3. What would happen if 90% of people in a society were polyamorous? (You may assume they all practice one style of polyamory, or different styles.)
The whole idea of being “trapped” in a bad relationship would go away. Instead of the default assumption that anyone in a long term relationship is unhappy and everyone telling the same old “ball and chain” jokes, the default assumption would be that everyone is with whomever they want to be with. If a person is in a relationship with any other, it’s because they want to be. No one would feel like they have to maintain a bad relationship for its own sake. Societywise, the rates of abuse and other domestic problems would go way down…because people would have alternative options where otherwise they would just be victims.