The bad news is that none of the culture war questions got really close enough to be certain to be 50/50. The good news is that I have a lot of emails of people who disagree with me about polyamory and I intend to take advantage of this.
The “anti” side is people who believe that polyamory is worse for its participants and society than monogamy. The “pro” side is people who do not believe this. I particularly encourage participation from people who believe that polyamory is better than monogamy on some level (even if only emotionally, if they override their intuitions because they recognize that other people may be different from them, etc.)
I will cap participation in the “pro” side at ten people. Pro participants after the first ten will be placed on a waiting list, and if we get more than ten anti signups I’ll message the pro participants.
To participate, please email me by Wednesday, July 15th at ozyfrantz@gmail.com. Your essay must be submitted by Wednesday, July 22nd if you wish to participate. If you are on the pro side and discover you will not be able to complete your essays, please tell me as quickly as possible so someone can join from the waiting list.
Questions:
- Why do you believe what you believe? What would change your mind?
- Choose one, or more than one if you’re an overachiever. Assume “change relationship styles” is not on the table:
- A monogamous person is jealous of their partner (for example, because they’re afraid their partner has a romantic interest in someone else). In a healthy relationship, what would happen next?
- A monogamous person has a crush on someone other than their partner. In a healthy relationship, what would happen next?
- A polyamorous person gets an STI.
- [If writing for anti-poly] what typically happens next?
- [If writing for pro-poly] in a healthy relationship, what would happen next?
- A polyamorous person hates their partner’s other partner (their metamour).
- [If writing for anti-poly] what typically happens next?
- [If writing for pro-poly] in a healthy relationship, what would happen next?
- A polyamorous person has a date scheduled with their primary partner, but their secondary partner is in the hospital with an emergency and needs support.
- [If writing for anti-poly] what typically happens next?
- [If writing for pro-poly] in a healthy relationship, what would happen next?
- What would happen if 90% of people in a society were polyamorous? (You may assume they all practice one style of polyamory, or different styles.)
Thing of Things 
I think there’s a typo on question 3—the parenthetical suggests that it’s meant to refer to an overwhelmingly poly society, rather than the reverse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Would I be correct in guessing that these were intended, respectively, as “[…]who believe that polyamory is worse[…]” and as “[…]if 90% of people in a society were polyamorous[…]”?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gah, yes. (This goes to show that you should not write posts without a beta reader while severely sleep deprived.)
LikeLike
I notice that you have defined “pro-” and “anti-” in asymmetrical ways. I think that’s the correct thing to do, but I want to make sure that I’m understanding correctly: Let’s say I believe that both polyamory and monogamy should be socially accepted, and that monogamy is the better choice for about 75% of people whereas polyamory is the better choice for 25% of people. Does that make me “pro-polyamory” according to your definition? I think it should, as that position is a lot more favorable to polyamory than current social mores are.
LikeLike
Is question 1 specifically around polyamory or just in general? I feel like if I interpreted it too generally it would be hard to write something different for the two perspectives.
LikeLike
About polyamory.
LikeLike
Pingback: Polyamory ITT Announcement | Thing of Things
I think that these questions are written from a very individualist, polyamorous perspective and don’t leave sufficient room for many people (in particular those that are opposed) to express their beliefs, unless they resist the oppressive system by ignoring the questions that are asked. 😉
For example, one can believe that polyamory benefits the privileged, but harms those at the bottom of society by removing or worsening their relationship opportunities. The questions under 2 then exclude these people from consideration. It’s like an ITT about the removal of welfare that only asks about the impact on those who work.
Or one can oppose polyamory because one believes that it creates destructive dating/relationship dynamics even when only a portion of society practices it, which harms monogamous people more than it benefits the polyamorous. Then none of the questions under 2 may be applicable. Furthermore, question 3 then demands that one excludes most of the people one is actually concerned about (ignoring surveys that suggest that far more than 10% of society favors monogamy), making that question actively hostile to one’s beliefs.
It’s like having an ITT on anti-PoC racism and asking people what would happen if society was 99% white. I’m sure that Richard Spencer would love to answer such a question to describe how you’d get a harmonious and nigh-perfect society, but I think that most other people would be upset that you just took an ethnic cleansing for granted. I think that many monogamous people similarly don’t want to be casually marginalized/erased.
LikeLike
Then you could state your beliefs in 1, answer 2 but say that they’re not that relevant to your rejection of polyamory, and say something like “a lot of people would be miserable” for 3. In 3, the argument would be that monogamous people would be practicing polyamory, just as some polyamorous people are practicing monogamy now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suspect that the situation from question 3 can only be achieved with a very oppressive society, so people would then be both miserable due to the oppression which surely extends beyond just enforcing behavior, as well as not being able to do what they would prefer, as well as possibly the consequences of polyamory, especially if they themselves believe that it isn’t good for them.
Yet I doubt that very many proponents of polyamory would be impressed by that answer and would often themselves challenge Ozy’s question in the context of my assertions/doubts. For example, by retorting that the true purpose of the question is to figure out what people think would happens if everyone is completely free to choose polyamory.
In the context of a back-and-forth debate, one can try to tease out the intent behind the question and agree on a better question, that feels fair to both sides. In the context of an ITT essay, that option doesn’t exist and I can take questions literally and take a high risk of being seen as being unfair; or attempt to steelman the question and take a large risk being seen as being unfair.
It just doesn’t feel worth it, so I decided not to participate and to explain why.
LikeLike
How often do these contests occur? I don’t frequently read this blog, but was a regular when the Blanchard-Bailey series was going on, and plan to follow this one the same way. I would also be interested in participating in a future one – I just didn’t see the prompt!
Alternatively, are you still accepting submissions on the “Anti” side? I take it that that’s the side you were having more trouble finding takers for, so if you have an extra “Pro” hanging around, I would definitely write one up.
LikeLike