[HISTORICAL NOTE: This is literally the only post anyone ever wanted to reference after my blog was deleted. Sadface.]
This is a pet hypothesis of mine, nothing more. There is absolutely no empirical data to back this up. But I think it explains my observations fairly well.
One of the big things we talk about, in trans feminism, is the concept of “gender identity”– the subjective internal sense of oneself as male, female, or nonbinary. Trans people are people whose gender identity doesn’t match their gender assigned at birth; cis people are people whose gender identity does.
But the thing is… I think that some people don’t have that subjective internal sense of themselves as being a particular gender. There’s no part of their brain that says “I’m a guy!”, they just look around and people are calling them “he” and they go with the flow. They’re cis by default, not out of a match between their gender identity and their assigned gender.
I think you could probably tell them apart by asking them the old “what would you do if you suddenly woke up as a cis woman/cis man?” If they instantly understand why you’d need to transition in that circumstance, they’re regular old cis; if they are like “I’d probably be fine with it actually,” they might be cis by default. (Of course, the problem is that they might be a cis person with a gender identity who just can’t imagine what gender dysphoria would feel like. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to stick random cis men with estrogen and find out how many of them get dysphoric.)
(I’m noticing some similarities, as I write this, to what I’ve read about what being agender feels like– although of course agender people are not cis. If my agender readers could confirm or deny the similarity, that’d be helpful.)
I think this would explain a lot actually. There are a lot of cis people who feel the need to come up with absolutely ludicrous explanations for why trans people (particularly trans women) are trans. The “trans women are self-hating gay men.” The “trans men want to gain male privilege.” The “trans women fetishize themselves as female.” The “nonbinary people are making it up for attention or for queer streed cred.” The “trans women are agents of patriarchy appropriating womanhood in order to invade women’s spaces.” These explanations aren’t just dumb, they’re obviously dumb. Very, very few people would put up with everything from gatekeeping to violence for the sake of their boner.
However, if you don’t have a gender identity, and you assume that your lack of a gender identity means other people don’t have a gender identity, then trans people’s behavior is ludicrous. Why the hell are all these people deciding they’re women or men or something else? And when people appear to be doing something for no readily apparent reason, other people tend to grasp at straws to explain it, including obviously dumb straws.
Obviously, this doesn’t excuse the blatant transphobia of those explanations. Generally, when people are doing something for no reason you can understand, it’s safe to assume that they have a good reason that you just don’t know about. Ask them why they’re doing the thing they’re doing before you conclude it’s about whatever ludicrous thing best fits your prejudices.
Nevertheless, if my idea is correct, then it offers some hope in combating that sort of transphobia. We simply have to explain to cis-by-default people what a gender identity is and that they don’t have one but other people do before they get lured in by the fuckwitted explanations.
Any thoughts?
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This is the best description I’ve ever seen for myself. Publically, I call myself cis. Internally, I call myself “maybe I’m technically agender but even calling myself that seems like giving too much of a shit”
Dunno if there’s anyone else that feels this way but this is me. I can’t see the other comments for some reason but I needed to get this out there.
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The problem with “CBD” is that definition of cis is…
“denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex.”
The definition of trans is
“denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.”
Between those, myself and people who are CBD (I dislike ‘cis’ for this and many other reasons) are practically closer to the 2nd def than the first def, their personal identity doesn’t correspond with their anatomy.
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I am trans (& feel it is unchangeable, or at least would be highly unpleasant to change) but do feel similar to what the post describes about my sexual orientation. In the past, I would have been considered heterosexual based on my birth anatomy. I had once found someone I would then have considered the same sex attractive, but I just decided I wanted to be heterosexual, & that was that. Then when I fully accepted I was trans, I decided to switch which sex I found attractive.
I have had many people tell me I could not possibly actually feel that way, that I am deceiving myself due to societal pressure, etc., but it really seems like I can just choose who to find attractive, which feels different than I would expect uncontrollably finding all sorts of people attractive would.
Some of the people have suggested my feelings are invalid because they invalidate their own sexuality, & others have even ascribed to me a motive of wanting to promote conversion therapy or some such. But I mean nothing of the sort—just as I have a gender identity I cannot change, I can understand other people having a sexual orientation they cannot change. So it would seem people in either situation with respect to either dimension can have a hard time understanding the other.
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Huh. I guess I’m another one who thought this was just what being cis was. Although unlike some who’ve said this, I never really wondered why trans people existed.
I guess I just thought (to the extent I thought about it) that living as your gender was like breathing air: You don’t notice it when it’s there, but you sure notice it when it’s gone. And that gender euphoria (when I learned about it) only existed because the same way someone who had just almost drowned would really enjoy breathing.
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I’ve pretty much always felt that way, but I think I fall more into the category of having a very weak sense of gender identity. I’m male, but it is very superficial. I’m totally content with being male, and yet if I woke up female one day, of course it would be an adjustment but I don’t think I would feel trans.
I was once at a large dinner party where I asked everyone to close their eyes and report whether they felt an internal sense of gender. Apart from one other person, everyone laughed and thought the question was insane – of course they felt they were their gender. The other person said there was not really anything inside – and that’s how I feel about myself. I relate to the outside world as male, but deep inside there isn’t really any gender.
But this has never caused me to question trans or cis people at all. I just assume they are different from me. So many people seem firm about their gender identity that I have never questioned the reality of it for them – I just assume my brain turned out a bit differently. Or in moments when I want to flatter myself, I might believe that gender identity is bit more on the surface of the mind, and perhaps a person can go beyond it (if, for instance, they have practiced meditation). Don’t know about that, though.
It seems to me that the people who most strongly believe that gender is a social construct and promulgate those theories in academia (Judith Butler et al) are themselves always agender or non-binary in some way. I think they are taking an experience that makes sense FOR THEM and extrapolating it to everyone else. Isn’t this almost always what humans do?
Then we have bi/pan people who go around saying “sexuality is fluid for everyone,” or straight and gay people saying “no one is really bi/pan – just pick a side.”
We just really seem to want to believe that everyone is just like us. I guess it makes us feel more secure.
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